It has been two months since my daughter died in a car accident and I have cried every day. Even though I know she’s gone, I expect her to walk in the door at any moment and say “Hello.” I think she’ll call me and we’ll talk about plans for the weekend. None of this will happen. Still, I remember my daughter in many ways.

DONATIONS FROM THE CHURCH LIBRARY. A couple of years ago, I co-authored a book on anticipated tort. I donated copies of the book to our church library. Also, I printed out the ezine articles I had written on complaints and put them in a notebook. I also donated a copy of Helen Fitzgerald’s “The Grieving Teen.”

KEEPING THE TRADITIONS. Every Sunday my daughter and the twins came for dinner. The first week after her death I was so overwhelmed with grief that I couldn’t make dinner, but I asked them to come the next week. My ex-son-in-law came with the kids, and even though we all cried, we were glad to be together. I plan to keep other traditions as well.

MEMORIAL FLOWER GARDEN. Minnesotans have been waiting a long time for spring, and it’s finally here. As soon as the garden plants are available, the twins and I will be planting a garden in memory of their mom. We can also plant a flowering tree in the backyard.

MAKING PLANS. My daughter was in the process of finishing the lower level of her house. The children helped plan the layout and were going to help paint and lay the flooring. After a family discussion, we decided to go ahead with the project. We are also going to put a small terrace on the house because that is what her mother planned.

PREPARATION OF FAVORITE FOOD. The two twins (one boy, one girl) like to cook. After the death of their mother, they wanted to prepare some of their favorite foods. They asked me for their mother’s recipe for Swedish meatballs. I emailed them the recipe. The twins made the dumplings and enjoyed them. My daughter had other favorite foods and I will make them for my grandchildren.

COUNT STORES. I come from a storytelling family. Everyone in the family knows that it is important to tell stories about my daughter and we are telling them. We tell them affectionately, we laugh together and cry a little. The stories are verbal snapshots for our grandchildren and we hope they will remember them forever.

ADHERE TO THE VALUES. To help my grandchildren cope with their grief, I have talked about their mother’s values. I wrote a list of her values ​​and gave them to her. While they appreciated my reminder, they didn’t really need it. My daughter was a wonderful mother and she made her values ​​clear. Her children are living them now.

Copyright 2007 by Harriet Hodgson