Do you have difficulty finding your keys, phone, purse, wallet, your favorite shoes, the dog leash, that ticket or an important item that you just saw a few moments ago? Are you constantly looking for things, misplacing things, going around your house or office looking for something you’re anxious to see? Have you walked into a room and forgotten why you’re there, only to stop at times in awe because you can’t remember why you’re there, even after really thinking about it? Does he have difficulty picking up the names of people he has known for years or his entire life? Is it difficult to find the right names for the objects you use all the time? Is this dementia? The challenges of Alzheimer’s? Is it just getting older or is it The M Word, Menopause?

Well, if you also suffer from night sweats, low libido, forgetfulness, clumsiness, having your period slow down, an intense urge to snap, crackle and burst, then most likely it is the “Mescapades” of menopause. .

My first encounter with the Big “M” sentiment was in a grocery store. I turned 47 and was checking out when the cashier rejected a coupon and I blew a gasket. You would have thought someone had stolen my wallet. He was beside me, yelling how long it took me to find the damn coupon, kicking my foot and making a fool of himself. After the most classic fusion of all, which lasted about a full minute and drew an audience from every aisle, I had an out-of-body experience and thought: who is that in my body?

I made it home safely, thinking about the idea that my neurotic great-aunt Ida, who had recently passed away, had gotten a hold of me. I rushed to the trusty internet and entered my episode symptoms, only to discover that I was ripe for premenopausal symptoms. Premenopausal symptoms? Yes, you can start having premenopausal symptoms in your mid-40s, or even earlier, since we are all on a different genetic pathway. I was 47 years old and preparing to leave or should I say rear-ended by menopausal symptoms.

My life included a series of these “Escapadas”, some more humiliating than others. Breaking the bleed had to be the biggest misstep. He would be in the most public or private places when he felt like all hell was breaking loose, and of course, whenever he was wearing a new pair of white pants or shorts. No amount of sanitary pads or tampons could stop the Tsunami of Horror. This was a whole new twist on bleeding, including lumps and trunks of weird, nasty darkness pouring out of me as if on a mission to destroy whatever peace and conscience I might have had during what should be the best time of my life. I once bled for almost two months and found out that you can’t die from it, but you could become anemic. The doctor’s solution has a great “parvo” as a shot. My solution after some research, liquid iron and large doses of calcium and magnesium worked.

The next one was the biggest shock-a-roo of my life. My libido plunged into uncharted territory. I was always, oh how I hate to admit this, interested, or should I say fixed, in sex. I know, I know, you’re also surprised that I’m saying those things, but it’s true. Me, no libido? I was stupefied! Where did he go? I was looking everywhere for him, like a horned dog that lost his corndog. My God, what’s going on here?

Slowly but surely, I realized that all my friends, who were going through the same thing, were taking something, creams, replacements, or potions, or someone other than their husband or boyfriend, wondering if something would keep them fruitfully frisky.

I thought of supplements, creams, extracts, and old fantasies that used to do the trick, and even experimented with a few, but never really got my old self back. I wouldn’t have affairs, although for the first time in my marriage, I admit I only thought about it while looking for solutions, but I just couldn’t go down that path, not just because it’s wrong in my book, but with ? No man seemed to be that desirable anymore. Even the actors he loved, who always made my heart skip a beat, didn’t seem to work. Hugh Ugh, he was real, he was doomed.

After a few weeks of this new me, I calmed down and actually began to feel a bit relieved that the nature hunt didn’t bother me and I began to relax into this new feeling and focus on new interests. Eventually I would get a surge of my old self, sort of, and that would be fun for me and my husband.

Fortunately, he was in the same age group and seemed to be going through something of a woman’s pause. We were in this together. In a way, it was nice that we could just relax without that constant “Do you? Do you? Well, do YOU?”

At 50 everything seemed to be coming to an end, not me stupid, not my life, but tampons, pads and “Mescapades”. I celebrated my 50th birthday the way a child does. It was a huge relief to have no more cramps, no more periods, period. I was elated. I felt 12 again. I was freeeeeeeeeeee! That lasted about 4 months. Then he came back again. Oh my god, is something wrong with me? They call it a bleeding break? Ugh, what’s going on here? I couldn’t remember when was the last time I had it and why it had come back. Then, just as he appeared as a Frenemy becoming friends again, he left again. He walks in and then walks out. Then I was able to achieve 8 months freeeeeeeeee, then he looked again as if to say “I cheated on you” and then he came back out. It was so strange and confusing.

I am now 52 years old and have actually managed an entire year without the “curse”, the “worst” and the mess. So this is where I am now, if I can only remember… oh yeah, dry skin, lower libido than ever (rethinking creams, dreams and whatever, except cheating of course), belly fat that can’t being explained in a better way than having a new person in your life whether you like it or not, more creativity and focus in my business than I ever dreamed of, great conversations with my husband about things like how we can improve the myelin in our brains and how becoming ambidextrous will improve our memory.

I must say that now I really enjoy hanging out with my friends and discussing things like the new movie that is coming out called The M Word by Henry Jaglom http://youtu.be/8yPe1Jknlx4, and how we can grow our hair and nails longer than ever . because we have more patience and finally find the best hairdresser of all, or how we are terrified by the idea of ​​becoming a patient, and how we can live longer since we have so much more to do, now that we are not constantly thinking about sex, our period , our men, periods or even menopause. Only then do we realize that with each passage of time in life, each stage of life, and each monumental thing we experience in life, menopause is just another one of those things and not what defines us, as long as we do a pause to allow it. just being a part of our world and not taking over, and understanding that it’s not so complicated after all.