Family life, and life in general, presents many reasons to disagree. We see ‘impulsive’ disagreements all the time, in the media, at the grocery store, in our neighborhoods, and even at home. How can you disagree without getting carried away by emotions? And how can you teach your children to disagree and solve problems instead of making problems worse? It is possible, the steps are simple to master and teach our children!

Disagree Properly in 6 Steps

1. Look at the person. This shows that the person who wants to disagree is being respectful. Looking at people when you talk to them is also a great social practice and is good for building self-confidence.
2. Keep a calm voice and a calm face. Staying calm, as a parent, sets the stage for the young person to calm down and have a positive problem resolution. When the person who wants to disagree is calm, he shows that he is in control of his emotions. This also shows that they are ready to talk to you and also to listen.
3. Ask to disagree appropriately. This step is for the child/youth. Having to ask questions reminds the child/youth to accept your decision because you are the authority figure.
4. Say they understand the other person’s opinion. Seek first to understand, then to be understood, often better modeled by parents. The child may need training as this is a high level communication skill.
5. The child/youth then Express your opinion. The youngster gets to practice reasoning and problem solving.
6. So they accept the answer yes or no from the other person (the other person could be the parent, another adult, or even other children).

The steps are easy to remember. Patience and practice is all it takes to master them.

Here is an example of how you can teach and use it with your children: When I see my children getting frustrated, I gently remind them that they can disagree appropriately. I even tell my kids exactly how to disagree with me sometimes, walking them through the 6 steps outlined above. The point of the skill is to learn how to stop the emotions and solve the problem instead of getting angry, and to learn when is a good time to disagree appropriately.

This skill is invaluable to me, as an adult. I disagree with my children in this same format (skipping step 3). I disagree with my husband, parents, friends, neighbors, or anyone using these same steps.

The key to using this skill successfully is trying to understand the other person’s point of view. When people take the time to show they understand the other person’s point of view before telling their side of the story, they automatically send the message that they don’t want to offend, they want to work as a team, and they want to share additional information. information that the other person might not have with that person. It suggests concern. If you show concern for the person you’re talking to in this way, your views are more likely to be heard.

By the way, when my son disagrees properly, I usually accept the disagreement so he sees that choosing to control his emotions makes things work out.

Imagine what our world would be like if everyone knew how to properly disagree!