We have experienced the following examples:

Trent never pays the bills on time. Creditors call every day.

Deandra hasn’t had a job for two years and isn’t looking for one.

Will leaves his clothes scattered all over the house, even though I complain.

They are irresponsible. You can’t count on them to do what it takes to live.

However, there is an even worse type of irresponsibility: emotional neglect. Emotional neglect can have far more devastating effects on a person’s sense of well-being. This kind of neglect is even more amazing when it comes from the person who means the most to you.

A bond with an important person is a fragile thing. Intimate relationships need a lot of care. Time, affection and attention are vital ingredients in a healthy relationship. However, an emotionally irresponsible partner will not be able to meet these close bonding needs, either because they don’t care or don’t understand the needs of the people in their lives.

Here are five common ways emotional irresponsibility kills intimate relationships.

1. Control and jealousy

A controlling person stifles the other person, making unrealistic demands on the relationship.

Here’s how to recognize controlling people.

o They want you to spend most of your time with them.

o They are extremely jealous; can accuse you of affairs.

o They want to limit the time they spend with family and friends.

o Have little or no tolerance for a different perspective.

o They have extremely low self-esteem, which they aggressively hide.

These traits not only destroy the person, but also intimate relationships. On the other hand, healthy relationships show a lot of closeness. Much time is spent with a loved one and efforts are made to understand and care for them. This needs to be countered with freedom for our partner. Time apart is healthy.

2. Inability to communicate clearly

How many relationships have ended abruptly due to a lack of communication? I bet thousands have done it.

Miscommunication includes:

o Assuming your partner can read your mind.

Example: We have been together for five years. You should know that I like red roses once a month.

o Not checking for understanding.

To make sure you got the message, summarize your partner’s latest comments. Ask questions, if you are not clear about their statements. In heated conversations, it’s easy to mishear what the other is saying.

o Not actively listening to your partner

Often when our loved one is speaking, we are lost in thought, preparing for our rebuttal rather than listening to it. However, when we slow down and focus our attention on our partner’s words and nonverbal cues, we can validate their experiences and learn empathy for their position.

The list goes on. The point is that learning the essentials of effective communication is vital to creating a closer bond with your partner.

3. Extreme selfishness

Emotionally irresponsible people are selfish. They will use the relationship to meet their needs and meet their goals.

His selfish behavior:

o Does not ask for your opinion on a problem or action that affects the relationship

o Will not address your need for affection, comfort, or attention.

o Shows thoughtlessness

o Demands instant gratification from partner

o Lacks empathy and compassion for the partner

Emotionally irresponsible people will always put the needs of the relationship first, leading to the death of the relationship. In a healthy relationship, the “we” takes precedence over the “me.” Mutual give and take, fulfilling the wishes of others, making sacrifices, providing security, and stimulating growth are the hallmarks of a loving bond.

4. Belittling or minimizing your partner’s feelings

An emotionally irresponsible person will show disrespect for those with whom they are in a relationship by:

o Try to intimidate and threaten you into changing your position

o Manipulate him through guilt to force him to change his opinion or choice

o Withdrawing love and attention as punishment for having a different perspective

o Minimizing or ignoring your feelings, often accusing you of overreacting.

These negative behaviors erode and destroy the relationship, but more than that, they can destroy you. Every good and positive thought you’ve ever had about yourself will also erode under the oppressive and controlling behavior of an irresponsible person.

5. Not dealing with difficult problems.

The fifth way to destroy an intimate relationship is to remain silent while the issues become more complex in an intimate relationship. People think they have big excuses to “keep the peace.”

“I don’t want to hurt his feelings.”

“I don’t want them to get mad and leave.”

“If I ignore the problem, it will go away.”

The truth is that when we ignore an offense, injury or violation you become a consummate destroyer of your own emotional needs in the relationship.

For example, a jealous husband demands that his wife end a friendship with a longtime friend. Reluctantly, she does,

Then, to console herself, she tries to devalue the friendship, allowing her to let her friend off the hook. However, the problem is not resolved because she does not agree with her husband’s demand. Also, if the friendship was very valuable to her, her sense of defeat and anger deepens.

As a result, her unconscious resentment towards her husband is expressed in an unexpected way. She finds herself withdrawing from him and lacks sexual desire. She can’t understand why.

An unresolved issue is always expressed negatively through different channels of an intimate relationship. Address difficult issues immediately and encourage intimacy in your relationship.

Conclusion

Intimate relationships need to be valued and protected. By learning relationship skills like balancing closeness with autonomy, clear communication, valuing your partner’s feelings, choices, and opinions, effective problem solving, and giving yourself to each other, your emotional bond will grow. As a result, you will enjoy a satisfying union. The effort is worth it.