For so many couples breaking up, that’s it … end … it’s all over! Usually this is due to a couple of reasons.

The breakdown of the relationship was very traumatic for one or both partners. The one left ‘dumped’ had no idea what to do about it and probably did some very inadvisable things like begging, verbally abusing, threatening to do something wrong, following their ex, etc.

The reason for the break seemed insurmountable. It seemed like there was no way to begin to undo what had been done or to change the way the relationship was in the end.

There are many other reasons, but these two are the most common reasons for doing nothing. Now you should focus, not on the past, but on the future. Forget about the breakup, the reasons it happened, and who is to blame and take a proactive new approach to this situation today.

You must begin to rebuild your self-esteem and project a more desirable persona that your ex will want to actively pursue. Do you think wallowing in self-pity and looking like you haven’t slept for days will make them feel that way? Obviously the answer is no. He or she will feel like they did the right thing to break up with you safely. You must love yourself and be confident and happy to project your desirability again.

This is your starting point and it will take a little time to get there. To change your life and get back with your ex after a breakup, make a real effort to get well and get out. Don’t go out where your ex is likely to start. Mix with men and women and feel comfortable in social situations again.

Of course going out is the last thing you want to do, you feel so bad, even with a broken heart and you want to cry, sleep and lock yourself away. It will be difficult, but go out there and do it. It is surprisingly easy once you start. An easy way to do this is to get a haircut and go shopping for something nice to wear. Then call a good friend and go out to dinner, without overwhelming them with the problems of your relationship breakdown. So, first exit achieved.

After this, you can think of a few more things to do. A visit to a new gym to check it out. A trip to the zoo, a quick swim, and a relaxing session in the hot tub. These are all easy, non-threatening situations, and you will start to feel like doing these things.

If you see your ex while you’re away, say hello, smile, and walk by while remaining calm. If they do speak to you, be lazy and friendly, move away, and don’t suggest they get together; if they suggest it, tell him he’s too busy and maybe they could call him in a few weeks.

Another thing you need to do is adopt the no contact rule.

Don’t be tempted to contact your ex at all. No calls, texts, emails … no contact. This also applies to your friends who do it on your behalf. This is designed to pique your ex’s interest. They can’t help but wonder where you are and why they haven’t heard from you, even though they broke up with you!