I wrote in Part 1 about what one man, Jeff Lucas, called being a “shame addict,” and described the experience as suffering from guilt over everything. Even things we have little or no control over! But when attempts to define the difference between shame and guilt failed, and the experts themselves seemed to have conflicting views, I began to wonder if society could benefit from its eradication from the human psyche.
So today, in an attempt to answer that question, I’m going to ask another one. Where does all this guilt and shame come from? Are we born with it? Is it nature or nurture?
OVERCOMING SHAME
It has been fashionable for some years now, among certain celebrities and laity, to promote a concept that suggests that guilt and shame are imposed on us – by parents, the customs and laws of society, and by religion – and that this is to our detriment. . To hell with the guilt and shame, they say, embracing an unrestrained expression of his chosen lifestyle. And who can blame them? Perhaps the hell and damnation, the fire and brimstone of some religions and denominations have fueled this belief?
So would life be a better experience for all of us if we abolished the twin evils of a guilty conscience and a sense of shame?
That, in fact, is what Western societies have been striving to do for the last decade or two. Mitigation, in which substantive circumstances have been used to make a case for understanding for the perpetrators of the crime, has sometimes produced the absurd notion that they are the victims. Unsurprisingly, the actual victims have felt somewhat aggravated.
Also, like the excellent Dispatches program on UK Channel 4 Britain’s defiant children showed, raising children without a moral compass is detrimental not only to others, but to the child himself. It brought tears to my eyes to see young children in primary school having to be restrained, for their own good, because their education has offered them nothing in the way of reason or reason.
On the contrary! It was clear that persuasion had no effect on them when it came to offering incentives to return to the classroom. These children, for the most part, have only learned the realities of a belt around the ear, a growl, or a torrent of abuse. What do they know about cooperation? of community? Communication? Surprisingly, however, although they completely lacked the necessary skills or self-discipline to improve their misbehavior, some of them showed a moral awareness of its effects. They knew what it was to feel shame.
So is it nature or nurture? I am inclined to believe that although babies are born without shame when it comes to their nudity, bodily functions, or demands, a certain morality is ingrained in the human psyche. The Bible certainly teaches that this is so. God’s laws, we are told, are written on our hearts. Whether or not you believe the argument from nature, there is evidence to suggest that we are experiencing a change of heart on matters related to fostering discipline. As Dispatches showed, morality, and the shame and guilt that go with it, grease the wheels of society, in schools, at home, and in the community. Furthermore, it brings peace, comfort, wholeness, and education to the child being taught.
Where does that leave people like me, and Jeff Lucas, when it comes to being “shame addicts”? He aptly defines an addict as “someone who constantly thinks in a particular way, every day, every hour. Their mind is consumed with that substance or activity. Their behavior is driven.” Earlier I asked if guilt and remorse could be perceived as “good” or “bad” and I have concluded, above, that in context it is good. But at this level of addictive thinking, clearly, it’s bad.
And I’m happy to say that aside from the odd occasion when I’m tired, like after Christmas, it’s no longer a part of my life. Because Christian teaching should never focus on the negative aspects of humanity, but on the divine aspects of a God who loves, who is merciful and, above all, who forgives. If you want to know more, you could do worse than visit Jeff Lucas online. His website is: http://www.jeffucas.org/archive/200811