Emotional intelligence is a valuable skill, because it means that you know how to work with all kinds of people, understand them, and get along with them. Once you understand emotional intelligence, you will be able to see the people around you who have it and those who don’t – at work, in politics, in the media, and in your neighborhood. The media use both EI and EQ (like IQ) as shortcuts for emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is similar to empathy. It is the ability to “read” other people’s feelings and respond appropriately. Emotionally intelligent people are successful because they form good connections with others, they are trustworthy and personable. When you understand how and when to be understanding, understanding, direct, and trustworthy or kind to people, they trust you and learn to trust you. This creates a framework for business and personal interactions that form lasting and productive relationships.
To develop emotional intelligence, you must learn to focus not only on your own wants and needs, but also on the wants and needs of others. This requires learning delayed gratification, patience, and concern for more than just the bottom line. Emotional intelligence is also essentially emotional maturity, which means that your mind can handle your emotions. According to Goleman, the five characteristics of emotional intelligence are: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.
• Self-awareness: people with high EI understand their emotions and, therefore, do not let their feelings rule them. They know the difference between feeling and thinking, and they can use thought to moderate feelings, without ignoring or repressing them. They are confident because they trust their intuition and good judgment, which is the result of using intelligent thoughts and feelings to evaluate situations. People with emotional intelligence are willing to look at themselves honestly, to see themselves realistically. They know your strengths and weaknesses, and they work in these areas to be able to perform better. They have a positive and realistic self-esteem, which means that they have reasonable standards for their own good behavior. They care about others, but they are not codependent. They can set limits for their own self-protection. This self-awareness is an essential foundation of EI.
• Self-regulation: Also known as self-control and impulse control, it is the ability to control emotions and impulses. People who regulate themselves generally do not allow themselves to get too angry or too angry; they do not have hysterical tantrums or outbursts and do not make impulsive and careless decisions. They think before acting or reacting. The characteristics of self-regulation are thoughtfulness, comfort with change, integrity, and the ability to say no. They are good at delaying gratification, and they understand that waiting for what they want can bring better results. They operate on an internal code of ethics rather than a standard of behavior that is imposed from the outside.
• Motivation: people with a high degree of EI are often motivated. They are willing to put off immediate results in order to achieve long-term success. They are very productive, love challenges, and are very effective in everything they do. They understand that motivation comes from celebration and appreciation, and they are willing to motivate themselves and others when appropriate.
• Empathy: is the ability to identify and understand the desires, needs and points of view of those around you. Empathic people are good at acknowledging the feelings of others, even when those feelings may not be obvious. As a result, empathic people are often excellent at managing relationships, listening, and relating to others. They avoid stereotypes and judgments too quickly, and they live their lives in a very open and honest way. They show generosity and benevolence and a positive attitude towards others.
• Social Skills: Good social skills are another sign of high EI. They know how to cooperate, be team players. Rather than focusing on their own success first, they understand that success comes from helping others develop and shine. They can handle disputes, are excellent communicators, and are masters at building and maintaining relationships. In addition to the empathy on which these social skills are based, people with high EI are also good at patience, generosity, trustworthiness, gratitude, sympathy, and emotionally responsive.
Here’s how to recognize emotional intelligence in yourself and others:
1. What is an indication that a person does not have an equalizer?
You have no idea how to respond to a statement or question about emotions. “How do you feel about …?” It only provokes what he or she thinks, if he thinks anything.
2. What is the downside of associating with someone with little or no emotional intelligence? It is not very satisfying, because we all like to have emotional understanding and empathy. It also means that the person will not be good at listening or sympathizing with your experience.
3. If we cannot detect any emotional intelligence, should we distance ourselves from the person?
If the relationship goes well, it goes well. This question will not matter. If you are frustrated with a lack of emotional intelligence and everything else is fine, you can try teaching it, taking it away from your friend, relative, or partner, but it takes a lot of patience. It’s like explaining feelings to a three-year-old.
4. What if the person has some EQ? What can you do to help them develop more EQ?
Be very receptive and understanding when your EQ is on display. If he or she does something serious, be sure to express your gratitude. If he or she listens sympathetically to you or someone else, compliment them on it.
5. What is one way we can encourage others to remain emotionally present and intelligent?
Be emotionally receptive to him or her. Give him space to respond emotionally and thoughtfully; don’t be impatient, he’s not very emotionally intelligent.
6. Why are people with a good EQ desirable?
High emotional intelligence creates closeness, comfort, empathy, and affection in your relationship. It’s easy to have fun or share feelings with someone with high EQ. You can count on a person with a high level of emotional intelligence who will be kind and considerate.
To develop emotional intelligence:
Before embarking on any new encounter or activity, please take the following steps:
1. Make a mental note of the possibilities: Can you learn anything there? Can you meet a new friend? Will it feel good to get out of the house and be around new people?
2. Remind yourself of your goals: You will go there to enjoy the people and have fun.
3. Review your positive personal qualities: What do your friends like about you? What do you like about yourself? Your intelligence, your sense of humor, your style, your ability to converse? Are you a kind and loving person? Remembering these qualities means that you will radiate that positive energy.
4. Have a positive attitude: Research shows that people who have a positive attitude have a better life, in part because a positive attitude is attractive and charming, and people are attracted to it. As a result, you make friends. When you are positive, you support yourself and others, you notice the good things more than the bad, which makes it easier to connect with others. Also, you feel much better about yourself, which means that you feel more worthy of having friends. It is a positive spiral and it goes up and up.
5. Be interesting: Wear attractive, but interesting clothing, something that reflects who you are. If you like to travel, for example, wear a shirt, scarf, tie or jewelry from another country, or wear something that reflects your ethnicity, or a hobby (sports, outdoor activities, a Hawaiian-type shirt with surfboards, garden implements or an animal print). It will help start conversations. Combine your energy with the energy of the people around you. Obviously, if you are dancing or having a barbecue by the pool, the energy level will be quite high. If you have quiet conversations over a cocktail party, talk about books, take a class, or sit down to dinner, the energy will be smoother and more focused.
6. Pay attention: look around you and make friends. See who is around you and what is interesting or attractive about them, find something interesting in what they are wearing and complement it. “Excuse me, but I couldn’t help but notice that beautiful color; it looks great on you.” or, “What an interesting watch! Does it have a story?”
7. Prepare Ahead: Read up on some fascinating topics to talk about: the background to a hit movie, some new tech advancement, or a cool new trend. So when someone wants to talk to you, you will have something to say.
8. Find a way to help: What do you need to do that you can enjoy? If you are in a new environment, I recommend that you find a “job” to do. Don’t just say “what can I do to help?” Instead, volunteer for something specific: greeting people and showing them around, or keeping the food table full or refilling the drinks. It will give you a feeling of belonging, a great excuse to get to know everyone, and you will be busy enough to keep your nervousness at bay. The host or hostess will thank you and remember it later.
9. Follow Up: If you know someone you would like to get to know better, follow up the event or meeting with an invitation for coffee. The best friendships start in these social situations.
Emotionally intelligent conversations are like tennis matches. That is, the other person “serves,” asks a question, or makes a statement. Then “volley” and answer the question with the kind of response that invites an answer. For instance:
Him: “How do you know our hostess?”
You: “We went to school together. I like Pam’s kindness, don’t I?”
This invites your partner to respond and keeps the “volley” going. If the conversation thread ends, the next “service” is yours. If you have to restart the conversation too often, apologize and move on. That person is not interested enough. If you force the other person to do all the conversational “work”, he or she will move on quite quickly. One-syllable responses are a pretty clear indication of a lack of interest, even if you didn’t want it to be. Instead, turn on your charm and the other person will want more time with you.